My soul needed to give me broad hints many, many times until I was ready to listen. Sometimes it's still necessary. Not only am I really stubborn, as a cerebral person I can be highly suspicious of the softer whispering of the heart. But if I have learned anything it would be that the Soul will not let you off the hook if it is time to awaken and to turn to your Soul's plan.
Back into the year of 2014. I was desperately searching for meaning in life, I wanted to help people, do something useful. I thought I just needed to find the right location, the right project, the right profession, the right subject or the right relationship to find meaning and fulfillment. I had studied psychology, I had done research on big subjects such as climate change, I had worked practically with managers or chronic pain patients. Back then I had just started a new project yet again: a second degree in medicine. I found myself reading an anatomy textbook and learning about the workings of the heart. While I was reading, I started to feel bored and a voice inside my head started talking: why was I learning about that, that stuff was not new to me at all? Right away, a slightly irritated second voice joined in: Why wouldn't this be new to you? You are learning about this for the first time in your life!? However, I moved on and quickly forgot about this inner exchange. Until the next morning: while I was brushing my teeth in front of the mirror, one picture, one memory after the next crashed into my consciousness - and I realized why I was already well versed in the workings of the heart: one scene similar to one of the scenes in the movie Pearl Harbour, one of the two World Wars. Me as a nurse. Another scene in which I trained other nurses. Me as I was holding a human heart up into the air to explain it to the other nurses. A couple of weeks after this incident the anatomy professor asked me questions during my exam about - guess what - the heart. Here I stood again holding a human heart up in the air to explain it, and it felt as if the past and the present melted into this one almost surreal moment. By the way, I eventually gave up my medical studies again.
However, this consciousness-expanding experience was one of the many many broad hints my Soul had to give me to wake me up - and that completely changed my worldview over the years. At the same time, the pressure was mounting to do something useful with my life.It was as if I was starting the engine of a car only to immediately stall it over and over again, because I did not know where to actually go. However, I continued to numb this feeling down - with the help of a new project or other distractions - the only thing I did not do for quite a while: listening to my Soul.
Then I met a soulmate, an encounter that made me feel deep true love. But here again, the encounter turned into the pain of an unlived spark, a stalled engine. I felt as if all attempts to express my Truth ended before closed doors. And this is how I was finally thrown into an awakening.
Today I understand that all these doors needed to be closed. Because that helped me realize that what I was searching for was an inner freedom that is not dependent on anything outside of us. A freedom that comes from knowing oneself, from being connected with one's soul essence and from realizing the freedom of consciousness. And it is probably a very human thing that we usually only walk this path towards freedom when all other doors are finally closed.
Today I find deep fulfillment in building bridges for other seekers, so that many more people can experience this feeling of freedom, excitement and curiosity when they realize that there is so much more to their own being, and that an open heart and expanded consciousness is the key to true deep inner fulfillment. Hopefully without needing all the hints and painfully closed doors.
