Writing about the subject of mysticism is not easy for me, although the idea to at least give it a try has been floating around in my head for some time now. However, I almost feel like an imposter, wanting to write about something that my limited mind knows it hasn't grasped. My mind is resisting writing this article because with my scientific background, it has learned to only write about things it has really understood,completely grasped, or at least about things I have properly informed myself about.

Mysticism is something so big and mysterious (otherwise it wouldn't be called mysticism, would it? 😉) that my mind capitulates before it. Why am I writing about it anyway? I feel a strong need to do so, perhaps something like a "mystical impulse". And these kinds of things don't always make sense. But I have learned (or am learning again every day) to trust when such a need doesn't go away, or if, on the contrary, it gets stronger and stronger. So bear with me if I struggle a bit for words here. I would like to start with an experience I had a few years ago which was extraordinary, perhaps mystical. And then let's see where that takes me - and you. I simply trust the great mystery, the mystic in me.

A mystical experience in Thailand

I was on vacation in Thailand with a friend. It was late at night, we were in our hotel room and had gone to bed. To put this straight right away: we hadn't been drinking or "consumed" anything. I had not had too much sun or was dehydrated or anything, I had spent half my childhood in Asia and wasn't 16 anymore, so I knew my limits. I was therefore in a stable, normal, healthy state in every respect.

So we were lying in bed - or so I thought. It was dark, but thanks to the moonlight it was still bright enough to see everything clearly. I couldn't fall asleep straight away and when I looked over to the side of the room where my friend was "sleeping", I saw that she apparently had gotten up and was standing at the table in the middle of the room. I thought at first that maybe she was just going to get something to drink, but she just stood there motionless. I stared at her and wondered whether she might be sleepwalking. But as she still wasn't moving, the whole thing started to seem strange to me. Looking back, I'm still surprised that I wasn't scared at all and that the possibility did not even occur to me that the figure standing there might not have been my friend.

But my brain began to search for explanations. I looked over at my friend's bed and now it was getting really strange. In the moonlight, it actually looked like she was lying there. For the next few minutes(?) I could watch my brain trying to come up with a sensible explanation - strangely, I still wasn't scared. I looked from the bed to the standing figure and back again. She was lying there AND she was standing there. At the same time. And my thought process started to feel infinitely slow, as if my consciousness had stepped out of time for a moment to be able to comprehend. It - didn't - make - any - sense. At that moment, panic set in. And in my panic, I called my friend's name out loud. Her sleepy "Mhm?" came from the bed. At that moment, the figure disappeared. Just like that. After this, the fear was definitely there and I couldn't fall asleep for a while. But ever since this experience I have known for sure that there is something mysterious behind the reality we know that we absolutely have not understood yet.

The quieter experiences

I had this experience many years ago and it was followed by a whole series of others. However, mystical experiences do not necessarily always come with a bang. Some are rather "quiet" and therefore difficult to convey: For example, when I see a beetle sitting on my hand and my heart opens up because I can feel the connection between me and the beetle. When I feel love for this tiny creature at that moment, even though we seem to have nothing in common, because the bug's experience seems so far removed from my own. But the moment I can recognize this connecting element that I carry within me also in this beetle: In that moment, I know that we are all connected and that oneness is true. That is mysticism.

I feel that many people think mysticism is their tarot card deck, astrology, human design, meditation, dream work, trance work... But that's not what mysticism is. I believe these things can be - but not have to be! - merely ways of accessing something that lies deeper and is beyond our understanding. Mysticism does certainly not equal the extraordinary things that we may experience on a spiritual path. Such experiences are merely signposts that can show us the way to something that we cannot see, cannot touch and can barely describe. In my case, I believe that I had to have a few more "extreme" experiences because otherwise I would never have been able to open up to a different idea of reality. Or could have allowed the idea that there is a deeper truth, a mystery that we might be able to approach. And that this mystery may also be our - incomprehensible - home.

I don't think we can truly comprehend what is much bigger than any one of us, what we cannot grasp with our limited minds. But what we can do is follow the signposts that our soul places everywhere for us so that we can find our way home. And for the mystic who has eyes and an open heart to trulysee, or eyes to trulyhear, the signposts can be found everywhere.

The way of the mystic - giving up control

What many people, including myself, certainly have difficulties with when it comes to mysticism is recognizing that we cannot know and understand everything. And that, therefore, we do not have full control or even should have. After all, the term mysticism means that we are dealing with an unfathomable mystery. Bowing down before the deeper mystery behind everything, the not-knowing-ness, is an expression of humility, a word that does not mean that we have to make ourselves small, submit or even be ashamed, it does not mean humiliation. That is not the point.

Rather, it is a feeling that recognizes that we cannot control and understand everything, because there is something greater, but to which we are somehow connected. I always compare it a bit to the amazement a small child feels at what their parents can do or know. And we wouldn't say that this is something shameful for the toddler, that they would even have to submit or assert themselves. It is simply the recognition of a deeper truth. And somehow that is also a little bit of a relief, because it doesn't just mean that we cannotcontrol everything, it also means that we do not have to.

How to find a way in

And at the same time, mysticism is not an entirely detached thing. Because studying it - at least that's how it is for me - develops the ability to recognize the mystery in everything around you, in the eyes of a loved one, in the rustling of the wind in the trees, in the murmur of a stream. This is why, for example, there are the nature mystics (e.g. Richard Jefferies) and the idea of an animated nature, which is still prevalent in many indigenous peoples today. Even children often have this idea very strongly before they lose it. For example, when they attribute feelings to a cloud or regard a tree as their friend, they are looking at the world through the eyes of a (nature) mystic. Seeing with the eyes of a mystic therefore also means recognizing what children can (often) still see: that the great mystery is everywhere and can be seen, recognized and felt in all of life.

And this feeling of childlike wonder is what it's all about. The feeling of being "moved from within" by something, a mystical force, the feeling when your heart opens up and joy and wonder come in, that is the moment when this mystery makes itself felt in YOU. Because we are all a part of it. We are not detached observers of this world, like child scientists who go out with a magnifying glass and notepad and try to understand the world which we believe has no connection to us. No, we are - together with the visible world around us, part of this mystery ourselves.

And I think that's exactly why it's always about going inwards, getting to know yourself (see also here my blog post on why this is so important). Not so that we can feed our ego and chase after a false idea of "higher, further, better" - no, we ourselves and our own consciousness are like a portal to this mystery. It may be much bigger than ourselves, but we are a part of it and that is why we have access to it.

If you are fascinated by mysticism, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to go and buy a tarot card deck or take an astrology course. On the contrary, if these things distract you from the essentials, namely the path inwards, then they may just be that: a distraction. It means that you find your own personal way to access this deeper great mystery, that you find a way to see with your heart and not so much with your mind to be able to see what your eyes cannot see. No matter how you do it.

We walk each other home

And this is a very personal path for which you don't necessarily need a rule book, because you are the rule book. You yourself are the portal, the door to it. Your consciousness makes it possible. But it is very likely that you will need signposts along the way, which your soul may set up for you in collaboration with a spiritual teacher or mystic, and many many companions and soulmates in life. And these signposts and experiences can always bring you back on track if you do lose your way. Because no one walks this path completely on their own. True to the beautiful motto: "We walk each other home."

Mysticism in Action

And then it can happen that you experience this mystery in action, for example when you have a mystical experience like the one I described above. Or also when you are doing Constellation Work and experience the power of the field and how someone can look at a situation with compassionate eyes for the first time in their life. When you see someone's heart open up as they see and understand the other person's perspective for the first time. When the benevolent power of this mystery that connects us all becomes so palpable and tangible that we can only bow before it in humility and allow it to take effect. When our ego-mind finally clears the way so that we can allow ourselves to be moved by this power. This is mysticism in action.